Draco Madison
by Courtney-Christina
Summary: He's the heir to millions and a ministry position but in order to gain his father's respect, money, and job he has to re-do 7 years of schooling in just 14 weeks!
1. Chapter One

Draco Madison---------Part1---------By Chrissy

  
  


Disclaimer: "Billy Madison" is owned by Universal Studios, Tim Herlihy & Adam Sandler.

All characters are owned by J.K. Rowling

I own nothing but the idea to combine the two, so please, I beg you: DO NOT SUE!

  
  


AN: Hi peoples. This is yet another attempt to be funny. This came to me on New Year's Eve while watching Billy Madison. Even funny people can write good because the movie was written by Adam Sandler and Tim Herlihy. So I'll try not to screw this up like everything else I write!

  
  


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Draco Madison floated on his inner tube as he drifted across the pool. He was applying sun screen very heavily as he sung, "Sunlight isn't good for me. I must be pale and appear sickly!"

  
  


Goyle and Crabbe were on the side of the pool drinking butter beers and they laughed. They laughed even more when Draco said he'd had so much to drink that he couldn't even remember what day it was.

  
  


"It's July 31, Draco. Must be killing your liver but hey you only live once!" Goyle said. Crabbe made some sort of agreeing noise as Draco hurried to get out of the pool. Goyle said, "Hey man! Where are you going?"

  
  


After gulping down a bottle of Wild Berry Hooch (AN: I do own an occasional six pack of this but I don't actually own the company that makes it or whatever. JASE LOOK: I mentioned it in my writing, aren't I special! Oh yeah I am in the middle of a sentence... SORRY!) Draco smiled as only a drunk could and replied, "It's witchy magazine day!" 

  
  


Crabbe handed Draco a shirt and Goyle grabbed his broom out of the shed. After taking a butter beer with him, Draco kicked off and flew to the Owlry. Then once he got up there he remembered that the owls would bring him his mail so he landed on the lawn outside of the house and several owls dropped magazines on his head.

  
  


Draco flicked through a few and saw he was still #1 on many lists in the magazines such as Richest wizard of his age, Cutest Wizard, Best dressed. None of that applied truly unless there was press around. Right that instant Draco was wearing nothing but swim trunks and a button up shirt that happened to be open. His hair was brushed and he had enough sun screen on to keep the entire country pale for years. Draco just used his dad's money because he didn't have a job.

  
  


His father kept trying to get him to take a job at the ministry but Draco never saw the need. Lucius Madison was head of Foreign Wizardry. He made sure the foreign wizarding ambassadors and ministers of magic had lodging and were spoiled rotten. Lucius could give his position to whomever he wanted while Fudge was still Minister of Magic. Draco just assumed that his father would give him the position when he stepped down.

  
  


Draco left the magazines there, outside the manor, and took up to the air again. As he was flying he swore he saw the Snitch and he chased after it. Somehow, Potter was there too, going after the Snitch. Draco dived to catch it and crashed right into the front door of the Manor.

  
  


His father was outside welcoming in some co-workers for a meeting. Lucius sighed as he looked at his son and hurried all the other people inside. Meeka the house elf came outside. "Sir's told Meeka to get young sir dressed. Sir come with Meeka and Meeka will dress you for Sir's meeting."

  
  


"That's okay I can dress myself. Go tell my father I'll be right there." Draco said as he cursed Potter in his mind. He made his way up to his room and changed into his robes. He was sure he hadn't been imagining Potter. But where'd he gone off to... vanished into thin air? Draco hoped that Potter had spontaneously combusted, but he doubted it.

  
  


Draco walked in and sat next to his father. Snape was sitting next to Draco but Pettigrew was near also. Pettigrew was glaring at Draco but Draco, being drunk, decided to go up to him and poked Peter in his (none too small) stomach. "Whoa I felt that kick! Pettigrew is pregnant, congratulations! This ones gonna be a football player he is!" Pettigrew pushed Billy away and turned red, he wasn't pregnant just pleasantly plump.

  
  


"SIT DOWN DRACO." Came the command from Lucius. Draco did as he was told and sat threw the boring meeting. Peter, Draco, Severus and Lucius were the only ones in Lucius' office after the meeting. He had said that he didn't think Draco was responsible enough to handle the position. He continued to say, "And that is why, when I step down, I will give the position to Peter." 

  
  


"DAD! NO! I can handle it!" Draco said. If he didn't have his Dad's position he'd be living in a cardboard box and eating his shoes. 

  
  


"You couldn't even handle school! I had to pay to get you through it." Lucius said. Draco was speechless. Potty and Weasel had implied that but Draco never thought.... he looked at Snape who nodded slightly.

  
  


"Then I'll re-do it. I'll go back and do my 7th year over." Draco said, "But I thought I did good on my N.E.W.Ts and O.W.Ls..."

  
  


"Draco it wasn't just 7th year it was every year!" Lucius yelled. Peter sat there smiling like the idiot he was.

  
  


"Well I was top of my class first year. I excelled in Charms!" Draco said proudly.

  
  


"Wingardium Leviosa, Draco." Lucius said to his son who clearly didn't understand

  
  


"Yeah so what, Wingardium Leviosia." Draco said. All of his simple charms were screwed up, except for lumos.

  
  


"DRACO! IT IS LEVIOSA!" Lucius said and his exasperation was clearly showing. He was losing his patience and his son persisted to be dense. 

  
  


"Okay I get it! I'll go back and re-do all seven year of school. I'll do each year in two weeks and I'll re-take my OWLs and NEWTs." Draco reasoned with his father.

  
  


His father smiled as did Snape. Peter's smiled faded, "You can't seriously be considering this Lucius!" Peter said

  
  


"I am. That is the most brilliant thing I have ever heard Draco say. Did you just come up with that?" Lucius asked his son.

  
  


"Yes." Draco said. He really hoped Lucius would let him. It wouldn't be so hard ... well actually the OWLs and NEWTs were quite tedious.....

  
  


"Brilliant. That shows you can think fast. You'd better go rest up Draco you have school tomorrow, I must go owl Dumbledore." Lucius said as he walked off. Snape left as well leaving Draco and Peter.

  
  


"Don't think you can get this position from me Drakey. There is no way you can pass 7 years and re-take your tests in 14 weeks, you just don't have the brains." Peter said and did his little laugh and left.

  
  


But as he was at the door he heard Draco say, "And you do?" But he brushed it off and used an obscene gesture and left.

  
  


Draco was now all alone so he decided to dance down the stair case. Meeka the house elf was watching from the top of the stairs and she shook her head, "Meeka think sir's gone off of his rocker, Meeka does."

  
  


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AN: SO what did you think? REVIEW PLEASE!


	2. Chapter Two

Draco Madison  
Part 2  
By Chrissy  
  
Disclaimer: I own the idea for the story, Meeka the house elf, and the students. Adam Sandler owns Billy Madison, Joanne Rowling owns Harry Potter, and Airelle Vilka owns herself.  
  
AN: Guess what... Hermione is the DADA teacher and an ex-Auror and this chapter (however sucky it may be) is dedicated to Airelle Vilka (the author not the ferret).  
  
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"Where are my chocolate frogs!?!?" Draco yelled at Meeka.  
  
"You got no chocolate frogs because Lucius sir Malfoy said to me so." The house elf replied and started to close up Draco's snack package for the train ride.  
  
"But you know I like chocolate frogs. Couldn't you have just slipped me a few?" He whined exasperatedly. There was no argueing with his father so he gave up and trudged up the stairs to get his trunk.   
  
Severus' head popped out of the fireplace along with Draco's ticket that now lay on the marble floor of his room. Draco picked up the ticket from the floor and threw some last minute additions to his trunk. Snape coughed loudly as Draco started to take his sweet arse time and paying no mind to the head in the fire, "DRACO HURRY! You'll miss the train if you don't apperate soon!" Snape's head dissappered and Draco put out the fire. Draco put a shrinking charm on his trunk and popped it into his pocket and then disapperated.   
  
Even with his ticket and mention of his father, they wouldn't let Draco board the train. None of the teachers present made a move to help. "MY FATHER WILL HEAR OF THIS!" He screeched as the train left.  
  
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Draco had to apperate into Hogsmede and walk up to Hogwarts. As he wasn't used to such strenuous activities like walking 5 minutes up to school, he was panting by the time he got to the gates. He stopped for a 5 minute breather before he started up to the school.   
  
Draco was very early because the train had just left the station 10 minutes ago and he was already at school. The other students wouldn't be arriving for hours.   
  
He walked up towards the main doors and started being overcome with memories of emmense popularity in his day. Thinking he was alone he started singing again, "Back to school, back to school to prove to dad my brain is larger that a toad stool." At that moment he bumped into a woman who appeared to be his age.  
  
He couldn't place her face as he helped her up, "Sorry about that, nostalgia attack.... So are you going here, too?"  
  
"Yes, I go here to TEACH." She said sternly as she smiled at him patronizingly.  
  
"I'll be goin' to learn!" He said as he grinned like an idiot.  
  
"You must be what Draco Madison turned into after he left..." She said more to herself than anybody else but still Draco nodded emphatically, she continued, "Don't you think it's pathetic that just because of who your father is, you get to come to Hogwarts all ovr again?"  
  
Draco was trying to place her voice but the name just wouldn't come to him so he responded, "Yes I do."  
  
She started with her patronizing smile again and said, "Well... as long as you know." She gave him one last glance before she turned around and headed into the school with her long cinnamon hair swishing behind her.  
  
Snape met him at the door, "I see you've met Proffessor Granger... the only person I'd rather teaching Defense Against the Dark Arts other than myself.... bloody brilliant for a muggle-born and an Auror... but they aren't usually daft unless your talking about the Weasleys and Potter.... ANYWAYS..... enough of my rambling. I contacted the conductor and the train crew and they've been reprimanded, you'll be allowed on with your own cabin every time you take that train now.... even after you leave."  
  
"That's who it was...." Draco mumbled  
  
"Let me show you to your room. You will get your schedule tonight at the feast. Your first year classes will be with Hufflepuff, second year with Slytherin, third with *cough*Gryffindor*cough*, fourth and fifth will be taken with Ravenclaw, 6th with Hufflepuff, and Seventh with Slytherin." Snape said. He couldn't get Draco out of taking classes with Gryffindor even though he was Deputy Headmaster. Headmistress McGonogal wouldn't listen.  
  
"Couldn't you have gotten me all Slytherin? Argh! Oh well..." Draco sais as they stepped into hallway full of doors that were made of gold, silver, and bronze.  
  
"All of the professors save for Headmistress McGonogal and myself have their quarters in this hallway. The doors have enchanted doorknockers that serve as the pass keepers and the doors themselves are charmed so that nobody can enter unless they've been invited in by the rooms occupant." Snape said as he led Draco down the hall and stopped in front of the last door on the right side of the hallway. "The password is 'cito' but you can change that by talking to the door knocker."   
  
"Whatever... thanks... I'll see you tonight at the feast." Draco said as he started into he room and Snape turned to leave.  
  
An agitated cough stopped him in his trasks, "Draco I do belive this is your wand." Snape levitated the wand at the end of the hall down to Draco and left.  
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AN: Yes I know it is a small and very bad chapter but still.... REVIEW PLEASE! I posted another chapter after this so there are two new ones for you to read and REVIEW. Thanks for reading- Chrissy 


	3. Chapter Three

-Draco-Madison-  
~Part~3~  
-By-Chrissy-  
  
Disclaimer: Don't sue me please. I own Meeka and the students. Anything you recognize is owned by either Universal Pictures, Adam Sandler, or JK Rowling. Abaxion is the name of a store that you can buy Wicca supplies from at www.abaxion.com or something like that.  
  
AN: Sooooooo sorry this took an extra day to get out. But as promised, I typed it up as soon as I got home from the Culinary and practice. Thanks to everybody who reviewed and especially to those who wished my Guard and my Cheerleading Squad good luck. At our last cheer competition (02-02-02) we won "Most Spirited Squad" so go us! My Guard has a performance tommorrow so I better start cracking the whip on the newbies and make sure they have that routine memorized..... um... I guess I was rambling again..... anyways... on with the story!  
  
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The morning was unusually sunny for the beginning of September. As the warm, bright rays cascaded into his room Draco realized he hadn't shut the draperies or bed curtains last night. He sat up groggily muttering obscenities at the sun. He closed the curtians on the windows and got dressed.  
  
He ate breakfast at Hufflepuff table, sitting towards the corner away from the Gryffindor table and towards the faculty table. Nobody talked to him and he didn't talk to anybody either. After quickly consuming his meal he left the Great Hall and headed to Transfiguration. McGonogal was still in the Great Hall but by the time Draco got to the classroom she was following behind. Even the elderly Headmistress was in better shape than Draco.  
  
"Mister Madison..... as you are aware, I do not teach Transfiguration any longer. I just followed you to give you your wand," McGonogal said as she paused and handed him wand before contiuing, "and to let you know that Professor Dellemarco doesn't begin her first class for another 45 minutes. You may go to the Hufflepuff common room with the rest of their first years until class begins."  
  
"Thank you Professor McGonogal, but I'd much rather stay right here until class starts." Draco said. Minerva gave him a questioning look but nodded curtly before turning on her heel and returning to the Great Hall.   
  
About ten minutes later the door to the class room opened up and Professor Christina Dellemarco came out into the hall, "Draco.... you may go sit down until class starts. You cannot stay out in the hall." Draco raised an eyebrow but followed her inside and sat at the desk with his little name tag on it.  
  
"We didn't have name tags when I took first year transfiguration...." he though to himself. He glanced at Christina before deciding he didn't know her, "So what school did you go to? If you don't mind me asking you....."  
  
She looked up from her desk and smiled warmly, "I don't mind at all actually. I attended Abaxion Institute and I also taught there for two years after my graduation." Draco looked confused so she elaborated, "Abaxion Institute is in America. I have an English accent because I've lived here for the past three years and I lived here until I was ten..... I guess the accent returned when I did. Anyways... why are you, an old Slytherin student, taking classes with my Hufflepuff first years?"  
  
"You're the new Hufflepuff head? (Christina nods) I'm surprised you don't know already. My father payed my way through school and in order for me to recieve his position, when he retires this year, I have to prove I'm not an idiot." Draco explained and Christina burst out laughing.  
  
"I'm sorry! I'm sorry! It's just that in America there was a movie just like this. You don't by chance see penguins or get harassed by your house elves do you?" Professor Dellemarco asked.  
  
"Must've been a muggle thing I've never heard of it." Draco said.  
  
"The film is called 'Billy Madison' and it's rather funny. Maybe I can talk the muggle studies teacher into setting up a feild trip to a muggle thatre....." At that point she sat up in her seat and straightened her papers as the students filed into the room. She taught her lesson and was way too easy on the Hufflepuffs. Draco wondered why she smiled at him every time she called the class in whole 'special people'.  
  
Later, in Charms, Draco learned how to correctly pronounce "Wingardium Leviosa" and perform it perfectly to raise his feather.   
  
His third class was DADA but there was a note on the door that directed them outside to Rubeus Hagrid's hut. As soon as the Hufflepuff first years arrived, Hagrid started rambling on to all four ouses worth of first years about how hippogriffs weren't used for Dark Arts but Blast-ended Skrewts were used to seek out hidden Ministry workers. Though it could've easily been explaind in 90 seconds Hagrid dragged it out to 90 minutes and then dismissed them all to lunch.  
  
Draco stayed after to ask Hagrid where Hermione was. Hagrid glared at Draco until he realized Draco has asked out of innocent curiosity not anything of malicious intent and then answered, "Heads meetin'. Dem Cassidy Quintuplets 'ad a huge accident in potions middle 'o second class. 'Mione's a healer and head of Gryffindor so she went to help Pomfrey 'n check up on her students." Draco thanked Hagrid for sharing the information and went off to lunch.   
  
The Hall was relatively silent save for a few whispers every now and then about the potions disaster. Some said that Severus' four-year-old daughter Lusitania (Lucy) had found her way into the Potion's room and messed up the Cassidys' potions. Others said Snape took away 20 points each for adding worm wood instead of pine sprint. Draco didn't care much about the rumor mill since he knew Lucy was at Snape Manor with her mother.  
  
After lunch Draco went to divination. Trelawny, who was still teaching the course, gave everybody a big group hug and danced around her 'special people' until everyone was seated. Kim Straube was sent to the Medical Wing becuase she was having an alergic reaction to the incences combinations. Sybil Trelawny then predicted that Harry Potter would die by rogue bludger at the last match of the season and then assigned the students a 13 inch essay on how to read their own tea leaves and what the tea leaves had in store for them. Draco knew all he had to do was predict his untimely demise and he'd pass with perfect scores.   
  
Hermione wasn't at dinner either. He discover that not only were all of the door knockers chatty but if you talked to them they would tell you who dwelled inside. After checking every door except for his and the gold-doored room across the hall (two of the others had been empty ). He knew Hermione Granger occupied that room adjacent to his own.   
  
Instead of talking to her right then he decided to go do his homework and sleep, he could bug her tommorrow.  
  
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First class the next day was Potions with Snape. Draco left early with Snape to talk.  
  
"So how's Lusitania? I didn't think anybody here knew you had a daughter but there was talk of being in class yesterday...." Draco said. Severus visabley stiffened.  
  
"Lucy is fine. She and her mother stopped by last night to have dinner with me, she wasn't involved in the Potions catastrophy." They walked in and started setting up the classroom, "The Cassidy Quints are this generation's equivilant of George and Fred Weasley..... except the twins preferred humor whereas the Quintuplets try to hurt people. They tried to turn their sleeping potion into some sort of explosive laxative or something but the ingredients didn't agree and their cauldrons exploded. Worse than Longbottom's messes."  
  
"Is that why the third year Gryffindors and Slytherins weren't at lunch or dinner?" Draco asked.  
  
Severus nodded, "Not only did the potion explode but it splattered everyone. The potion was molten, Draco, the cauldrons were so melted that when it exploded it send bits of molten metal flying to. Burned everybody it hit and gave them some sort of dehydrating effect. Yet again we are lucky to have such skilled staff."  
  
"The Quints have detention for the rest of their known lives?" Draco asked as he set up the last cauldron.  
  
"No. Minerva felt they'd learned from their mistakes and they got 100 points deducted which leaves Gryffindor in the negatives. They'll need a Quidditch gam or two to get into the positive points again.... The Quints are bald now, burned off all of their facial hair too. Now hair no eyebrows. Hermione and Poppy need to rest up before they can attempt to rectify that.... expelled too much energy healing all of the burns and removing metal bits."  
  
"That's..... scary..... Uh.... So do you still use the 'stopper death' speech?"   
  
Severus grinned, "Changed a bit of course but that's my prize winning line. What would I do without it?"  
  
Draco rolled his eyes and sat down front and center. Ravenclaw and Hufflepuff first years sat down in the seats appointed to them by Snape. After giving his speech he wrote the ingredients for the Pick-Me-Up Potion on the board along with the instructions. "We will be making this Potion to restock Madame Pomfrey. Look up these ingredients tonight in your text book. Take notes on what each ingredient is for and what it does. We will make the Potion next class, which would be on Friday. For the remainder of today's class you will take notes on how the potion is made. Mr. Madison will make a potion today to show you how." Snape set the ingredients up for Draco in the order in which they needed to be placed.   
  
All eyes were on him. When the potion was finished it looked fine and Snape had Amber Dixon the Ravenclaw try it. Amber smiled for a moment and then burst out crying. "What is the meaning of this!?!?!?" Snape yelled and Amber stopped.  
  
"It said I was only in Ravenclaw because the other houses didn't want me!" Amber said as she sat back down.  
  
"Mr. Madison has made th Put-down potion. It takes one of your doubts and expands it to upset you. Congratulations Mr. Madison you have completed your task you may sit down." Severus said as he turned back to the class, "The Put-down potion has the opposite effect of the one you will be making. Your potion will make people feel better about themselves and make their doubts seem pointless. That is all for today, class dismissed."  
  
After everybody left Draco stayed behind, "Did I really make a Put-down potion?"  
  
"No," Snape replied simply, "You just screwed up the potion and I covered for you. No need to make you seem like an idiot."  
  
"I must compliment you on your improv but I must leave you now to go to my next class. Goodbye Professor!" Draco said on his way out the door.  
  
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AN: TADA! Please review. There was the promised Potions scene AND third chapter. Feel special! 


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